Midlife Sage Gifts

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Rock and Roll

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'