Midlife Sage Gifts

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Rock and Roll

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.