Spiritual Sage Gifts

'Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, but not the oil and mineral rights.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

'I'm warning you, Goopta -- these mixed marriages never work out.'

Woman indicates church's no-smoking sign: "Does this mean no more burning of incense?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'Don't be paranoid, Brother Jerome -- Why would they be talking about you?'

"Well, you asked for a sign!"

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'Maybe this would work better if we tried exinguishing each OTHER'S egos.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

Voltaire

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."