Secular Sage Gifts

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

Don't you see, Kreutzer? That's why we have all this literature. So you won't duplicate an experiment that's already been done, and there's no reason at all why you should be duplicating Smedly's experiments. After all, he shares a lab with you.

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Voltaire

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Bishop with a crozier case.

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'