Middle-aged Sage Gifts

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'This course is a great ego builder.'

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"I'm going to call it zero."

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

Liv Ullmann

'Let's face it, Old Simkins is well past his 'best before' date...'