Senior Sage Gifts

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'Let's face it, Old Simkins is well past his 'best before' date...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Don't you see, Kreutzer? That's why we have all this literature. So you won't duplicate an experiment that's already been done, and there's no reason at all why you should be duplicating Smedly's experiments. After all, he shares a lab with you.

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

One way only.

Voltaire

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Old man fighting against time with an arm wrestle.

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'Did you spill my pint?'

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

"A million monkeys typing for a million years might come up with Hamlet, but they could never direct it."

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'