Age-old Sage Gifts

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

One way only.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'I still have all my own teeth.'

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

Captain Thomas Coram.

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

"I'm going to call it zero."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Dad, I misbehaved at school again, so my teacher sent me home with a bill for her therapy."

"The meaning of life? Let me Google that for you."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single status update."