Star Sign Sage Gifts

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

Horoscope: Scorpio.

Daily horoscope: Taurus.

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

Thesaurus Company

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

One way only.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

'I say we report the snow and ice and just leave it at that.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"What is the speed of dark?"

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

Distilleries Association

Early emojis

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"I'm going to call it zero."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Will all this light cause galactic warming?"