Star Sign Sage T-Shirts

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

Horoscope: Scorpio.

Daily horoscope: Taurus.

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

Thesaurus Company

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

One way only.

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

'I say we report the snow and ice and just leave it at that.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"What is the speed of dark?"

Early emojis

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

Distilleries Association

"I'm going to call it zero."