Aging Sage Gifts

'I just realized that the average age of all my old friends' is 'dead'.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

One way only.

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

"I'm going to call it zero."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single status update."