Socializing Sage Gifts

"Escape is within your grasp, if only you summon the courage to say 'excuse me'."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Lady of the bath...

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

The Paper Route

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

"Less roman, more clef."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Three Witches from Macbeth

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Sylvia Plath

When cartoonists get ahead of themselves.

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

'Beautiful book. However, I'm afraid it lacks video game potential.'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

Punch and Judy Sales Conference