Aging Sage Pillows

'I just realized that the average age of all my old friends' is 'dead'.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

One way only.

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

"I'm going to call it zero."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single status update."