Investment Sage T-Shirts

"Sure, I could hold your hand during down markets...but it wouldn't help you learn how to embrace failure."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

The day the stock market went UP.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Invest in technology."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

The Shrinking Dollar.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'