Market Sage Gifts

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

"Economists have predicted eight of the last five recessions."

"I see that the dow is up today."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Wall Street Couch

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

One way only.

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

'Fenwick is here with a dire warning about the next bubble to burst.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'