Supermarket Sage Gifts

'Now that I'm in midlife, I read all the food labels. I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Just looking, thanks.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

IMHOtep

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

"I make money, therefore I am."

"Successful leadership involves more than just shouting at people."

'Do you think you can turn the company around without making us all dizzy?'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

"You're dated look is an absolute tour de force."

Customers Wanted

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

'It appears to be a blog clog.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'I don't need a rewards program for my customers, as much as I do a blind faith program for them.'

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'