Stock Market Sage Pillows

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'I'm in equities and mutual funds. You?'

Help! Sold Derivatives when I didn't even know what they were.

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

"Jitters on Wall Street today over rumors that Alan Greenspan said, 'A rich man can as soon enter Heaven as a camel fit through the eye of a needle.' "

'We make cents out of your dollars.'

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

National Academy of Short Selling.

$165 Billion!!! Huge amount of money!

'Sorry, Mary, but my intuition has been telling me to avoid hunches altogether!'

'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. but teach him to trade stocks online and . . . uh . . . where was I going with this?'

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

"Nothing about Day Trading?"

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

The Gods want us to get into the stock market.

'Eddie, I recommend you buy 'large company' stocks. They could be bankrupt for years, and nobody would every know.'

'Hello, Dial-A-Prayer?...Buy? Sell? What would Jesus do?'

"...When I was your age, I walked 10 blocks to the stock exchange to place a trade."

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'Wall Street' 'Dip'

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

'Just remember never to sell before the boom, or buy before the bust.'

'Buy low, sell high, stay diversified. That's it?'

"Don't jump, Petry! Do you realize how silly you look when the Dow is over 20,000?"

'And there you have it. According to our experts, the stock market will either advance, decline, or remain unchanged this year.'

Graveside Service

Nasdaq, Meshach and Abednego

"Snipes is our in-house Chicken Little, and he says the sky is falling."

"It's not a map of our new oil drilling sites--it's our stock price."

"And try not to look too spooked."

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

"We want to redeem our junk bonds. I'm not concerned but my advisor here worries."