Squeamish Souls Gifts

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

"I don't want any gifts from the woods that crawl or slither."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

Introverted Chair

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

An old, dancing man holding a steaming cup

"All I could find was this butternut squash."

I WRITE FOR THOSE/WHO STARE OUT WINDOWS/WITH LITTLE HAIR ON THEIR TOES

"Great, lots of students are fainting: that will teach them!"

How to avoid a heart attack.

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

"Dry cleaning, pet store, Salvation Army - I'd be lost without my stickies on the dash!"

A planet like ours - "...you know I'm just playing with you before I kill you don't you?"

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

Joker in jail

'Have you looked in the garden?'

Dandelions

Man on his way to heaven passes a sign "Heaven" up "Street Theatre" down

'By accident they washed me with a conditioner!'

Egg Tattoos

Indian using a mini bed of nail to reflex suns rays and get a sun tan

Cafe Menu: Freshly Strangled Chickens

'She's 24'-24'-24' but she has BIG blue eyes.'

"It's the story of my life: A round peg in a square pants family!"

"Actually, it's 'they/them."

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

''Don't feed the birds, Martha,' I said. 'Do what the signs say, Martha,' I said. But Nooooo...'

'And you're really sure this tanning equipment is safe?'

'I don't need a haircut. I just want you to use the vacuum thingy on my neck for 20 minutes.'

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

Obviously Positive And Negative Attitudes

Man in the moon, plus toupee.

'He can't stand the sight of blood.'