Squeamish Medic Gifts

'If you're so easily grossed out, why did you go to medical school?'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

A Mom and Pop Operation

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Pathology.

"I don't want any gifts from the woods that crawl or slither."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

"Great, lots of students are fainting: that will teach them!"

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Plastic Surgery

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

"I'm just messing with you."

Sewing for Dummies.

Dr. Potato Head

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

Specialist Directory: Cardiology, Dermatology, Hematology, Leeches

"I'll swop you my liver for one of your kidneys."

"His baldness was way out ofcontrol, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."