Squeamish Sympathy Seekers Gifts

"And this is one of our more difficult patients..."

German Expressionist Breakfast

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'The Burrito King.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

Afraid of change - leave it here.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

"You can't lose pal. For a small fee, you make huge commissions every time you sell those babies."

The GPC has written to ministers about how children can be more involved with the NHS

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"Oh, may I freshen your drink, Dr. Marshall?"

The Olympic Booze-a-thon.

The guy who got in on the ground floor

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

'I should've never sold my truck when I moved to the city.'

"Sorry, boss. . . Google also doesn't know where your missing person is. I have no idea where to look now. . ."

'I don't know why you wanted a high def television when you have low def eyesight!'

'Yeah, I know it's a plastic carrot: I wanted a low-maintenance system...'

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

"My New Year's resolution is to acknowledge the dog, but you know how hard resolutions are."

Lenny the Cadaver dog had one heck of a story to tell the boys at the k-9 training...

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

Trump to Build Wall

A yeoman misunderstanding an order from his drill-sergeant

Bank 'n' Burger

Vulture declines fresh food.

'You caught me at a bad time... I'm in.'