Quirky Soul Gifts

'And you're really sure this tanning equipment is safe?'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Hey, I keep putting quarters in the meter, don't I?"

Alien in a hairdresser's.

'I'm nobody's best friend, I'm an Indie.'

'She's 24'-24'-24' but she has BIG blue eyes.'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

"It's the story of my life: A round peg in a square pants family!"

The Zoo.

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'The Questioner'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

"You're about to learn what New York hot dogs are made from."

In case of funky emergency, break glass

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Real Estate Personals

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, Number One, first movement."

"This next song is also about air-conditioning."

"What does it all mean?"

Bald man with a brush on his head

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

I WRITE FOR THOSE/WHO STARE OUT WINDOWS/WITH LITTLE HAIR ON THEIR TOES

Microbiology Lab. It's worse than we thought. That antibiotic resistant bacteria is reading Nietzsche!

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

"This part of space feels especially weird right now."

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

'Yeah, but I'd like to be led into temptation just once, to see how I'd do.'