Sports Irony Lover Gifts

'He hates basketball! He hates basketball! He hates basketball...'

Bob refused to play ball. Not that it mattered – the game was rained out.

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Alternative fielding positions

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'...and watch out for his 'flipper'!'

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

Team medic spraying deodorant

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

Glenn Hoddle

Loser's Podium.

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

'To protect their investments, many baseball owners are hiring bodyguards for their players.'

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

The Washington Arbitrators

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.

Free Speech has heavy price.

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."