Sports Satire Lover Gifts

Sisyphus' baseball game

Canadian Hockey

"It's a game of power, speed, agility, and grace, but, most of all, Tom, it's a game of points."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Typical of a woman, hammering in with the blade of a bat instead of the handle."

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

Inappropriate Selfies: Baseball Player

"Of course it's nothing to do with match rigging. I thought it was woodworm."

'Well this could be a problem.'

'He's gonna break any moment now. They're using the old 'good hop, bad hop' routine.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'I want to play in the girls' football team, I even brought along my own cleats!'

'I'm from the First Infidelity Bank. I noticed you people drafted Tim Tebow in the first round last year and I'm here to talk to you about overdraft protection.'

Melvyn Pawnmeyer: Cranial Dislocation. Out for the remainder of the season.

New bribery allegations in cricket.

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"How could she do it, the poor groundsman's spent months getting this wicket right."

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

Very, very young synchronized swimmers.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"There are certain words and phrases that you absolutely must not use when referring to the Rugby World Cup. Words like Rugby, World and Cup."

"The match fixers are making it a bit obvious."

"No, you can't kiss it better!"

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

'Another cornucopia malfunction.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'Sorry, but...we're only filling gaps in the company softball team.'

Football Premiership

The Amok Run Becomes Han Olympic Discipline!

' No, son - that's not Michael Phelps.'

"There now follows 90 minutes of relentless corporate advertising, thinly disguised as a football match. . ."

World Ping-Pong Federation.

'We've closed this section down. In all the time no-one has ever tested positive.'

Adrian Chiles