Sporting Satire Lover Gifts

'Cricket Catches (By D. Crambo, Junior.)'

"We're adding to the 'home' and 'away' shirt ranges with our new 'alternate Tuesdays in March' option!"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's go over our secret play.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Where's my horse?'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

Glenn Hoddle

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

Loser's Podium.

The Washington Arbitrators

'To protect their investments, many baseball owners are hiring bodyguards for their players.'

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

Free Speech has heavy price.

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

"We must prepare for the threat of China laying claim to Raducanu."

You Don't Know What It's Like

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."