Sporting Satire Appreciator Gifts

'Where's my horse?'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's go over our secret play.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'He's a bit confused after that last round.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Loser's Podium.

The Washington Arbitrators

Free Speech has heavy price.

'You better have a hunting license.'

'Go ahead, big bowler... Show me what you've got!'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

"Wow! This really is a lofted iron!"

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'