Sports Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Just remember, if you give a hundred and ten per cent, I get twenty per cent of that."

'...Court is in short recess while the replay booth examines the testimony from all angles.'

Pirate sitting in boxing ring, trainer talking to boxer: 'Watch out for his right hook.'

'Athletic Trainer in the locker room...'

'What do we do now?'

'Extinct species' 'England Wimbledon Champ'

Fat kids in football T-shirts, Rooney and Ronaldo. Man says: 'It's good for kids to have sport role models.'

"Will it all collapse like you and I predicted the world economy would collapse?"

An umpire vacuum's home plate.

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

Throwing the syringe.

"Sorry, I don't know what pass interference is anymore either."

Baseball players using steroids.

Best guess, nuclear war or the French football camp!

The Breakfast of Cheaters

Football League - Concussions R Us.

"Wow, that ended with the last play of the game!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Cheating Boxer

'Normally, this job requires extensive testing, security clearance, international experience and foreign language skills, but since you're the bulimic ex-girlfriend of a pro football player, you're hired.'

'These DNA results confirm what we suspected. There is only a 1-in-5 billion chance that you did not commit the foul.'

'...You have a morbid fear of the ball.'

'You've got a bad attitude, Doug. You need to be quarantined before it spreads and we're forced to destroy the entire team!'

"We refuse to change the team's name and betray our city's proud heritage."

'Eton Football (Special Report by Dumb-Crambo Junior.)'

Alternative Names for Washington Redskins

The Washington Arbitrators

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

Alternative fielding positions

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's go over our secret play.'