Spooky Humorist Gifts

"Is that permanent?"

"If you don't give me any candy, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life!"

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

"So, did YOU have a phantasm?"

A witch reads Dracula's Horrorscope from the paper 'Beware of strangers with stakes and holy water. Too much sun or garlic could kill you. A virgo will rock your world. Your lucky number is 8.'

'You need to start using a fabric softener.'

Vampire Bed and Breakfast

Vampire Family Photos...

"All I have to say is that someone better be bleeding."

Vampires in a Pandemic

"Does that mean trick or treaters too?"

"Hey! are you sure this is a Glaucoma test?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"Gee, thanks pal."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Glance Exchange

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"