Spooky Satirist Gifts

"They said we need a photo ID to prove we're from the neighborhood."

'Dracula watches his first late night horror show.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Star Wars vs Star Trek

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Even More Disciples'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

The little engine that delegated

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

'Secondhand smoke.'

William Makepeace Thackeray.

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'