Spiritual Teachers Gifts

'Psst! I just realised something... I'm hella bored.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

Guru.

Bible Bloopers

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

Noah's ark, many lions

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Nun Binning the Devil

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"Make me one with everything!"

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

'Those are the Divinity students.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!