Spiritual Thinkers Gifts

"If the meek are going to inherit this earth, they're going to have to toughen up."

Answer to Prayers - NO

"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."

"I really gotta turn off these notifications."

'The last thing I remember is something about a 'once in a lifetime' offer.'

'It's going to be a while. Would you care to wait in Purgatory?'

"Now I get it - we couldn't take it with us because there's no place to put it."

2Oh, that's a money tree. They're all over Eden."

"C'mon, would it really be heaven if you couldn't bring it with you?"

reincarnated worm...

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Oh, crap.'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Those are the Divinity students.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

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