Spiritual Ponderers Gifts

"Ugh, I'm too hungover for salvation-come back later."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

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Newton Discovers Surrealism.

'Confusionism'

'What did He do before he was God?'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Well, once you get your PhD on 'The Return of the Repressed in Early Jacobean Drama', then we;ll discuss how disappointed you are."

George Santayana

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

Jesus wept

"How long has he been missing?"

"Well, this must be as big as I'm supposed to get."

Soren Kierkegaard

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

Evolution of God. . .

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'I don't have a single appointment between 1:30 and 2. Do you want me questioning the meaning of my existence?'

Two books. One liberates the mind, and appears to fly. The other entraps the mind, and appears as a snare trap

"I'll have whatever they're having."

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

Introducing Ed, The Nephew of God.

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

Thomas Aquinas

"The Talmudic umpire It may have been a strike, since it cut the corner of the plate, and yet it was a trifle high, but not really that high, and yet it seemed to curve over the plate..."

I'm tired of blessings in disguise--if it's al the same to you, I want one I can recognize immediately!