Religious Ponderers Gifts

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

'I'm not sure about the new guy.'

Just a thought on nooses.

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'Please take your receipt!'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

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'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Newton Discovers Surrealism.

'Confusionism'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

"How long has he been missing?"

"Well, once you get your PhD on 'The Return of the Repressed in Early Jacobean Drama', then we;ll discuss how disappointed you are."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"Well, this must be as big as I'm supposed to get."

Soren Kierkegaard

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

Various Birds of Pray.

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

Two books. One liberates the mind, and appears to fly. The other entraps the mind, and appears as a snare trap