Spiritual Ponderer Gifts

Thomas Aquinas

'Luckily, when I got to hell, I had the presence of mind to ask for a second opinion.'

'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'

'I wear my hare shirt whenever I study ascetics.'

"If God had meant for penguins to fly he'd have given us feathers."

"Wouldn't I have to pent first?"

"Have I found Jesus?! Well he sure as hell wasn't on the couch where I was just napping!"

"Stop saying Christians are gullible because we 'believe donkeys can talk'! There's only one talking donkey in the bible, and it happened a very long time ago."

'Religious fundamentalists will be the death of me yet'

'I'm sure your Creationist friend won't mind if we start the movie without him.'

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

'Well, I've never seen this before. . . give me a minute. . . I'll need to ask the boss about this one.'

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

'I didn't realize You were going to micromanage.'

(heaven): true, I came into and left the world naked, in-between a great legacy

'I'm not sure about the new guy.'

"If the meek inherit the earth, what about the apathetic?"

"Oh , shoot - how could I have forgotten to tell them about the dinosaurs?"

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I'm tired of blessings in disguise--if it's al the same to you, I want one I can recognize immediately!

I just figured moths would have their own heaven.

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

Arrange for the meek to inherit it - I don't want a lot of complaints.

God watches people through binoculars while keeping track of their good and bad deed.

Love thy neighbor

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Everything is so easy for you."

"Same thing every September. He begins to doubt the existence of man, then football season begins, and he snaps out of it."

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Needs to get a life"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.