Psychic Ponderer Gifts

"You have a really weird energy."

Crystal Goldfish Bowl

ESP society.

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Why bother?"

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Is this who I am?"

"I cross the road to forget."

Ghost puddle

Non Thought For The Day.

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'Dad, what is peace?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven