Psychographic Ponderer Gifts

"According to my Zip Code, I prefer non-spicy foods, enjoy tennis more than golf, subscribe to at least one news-oriented periodical, own between thirty and thirty-five ties, never buy lemon-scented products, and have a power tool in my basement, but none

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Chiller Theatre

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Sauce for the Goose

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Needs to get a life"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I cross the road to forget."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"Is this who I am?"

'At least I don't have his life.'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.