Religious School Teacher Gifts

Holy tights.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"The hyenas started it."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

Moses as a child.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"So, if the Pope is pious, what kind of pie is he... apple?"