Religious Education Teacher Gifts

"You. You. And you."

'Please Miss, if God created everything why did he create atheism?'

Violence in schools has increased

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"The hyenas started it."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

"So, if the Pope is pious, what kind of pie is he... apple?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

Guru.