Religious Studies Teacher Gifts

"You. You. And you."

"Which Is Better - To Eat From The Tree Of Knowledge And Get Kicked Out Or To Stick Around Here With Nothing To Talk About?"

Noah's Nark.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'It didn't work -- the Egyptians ate the frogs and locusts!'

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

'Are you sure? - I only remember creating TWO of them.'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Are those tablets PC-compatible?'

"Maybe things would have turned out better if I'd put in a whole week."

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

'It's hard to believe that they started out with just SEVEN deadly sins.'

'They're saying the manna DOESN'T taste like chicken.'

Noah jumps the gun...and brings down three commandments.

'The middle east eh! See somebody's wife has been turned into a pillar of salt, the Hittites are at it again, a load of slaves have escaped fro Egypt by parting the sea, and some lot have destroyed the walls of Jericho with trumpets, when will ever end?'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

Holey Holy Bible.

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

'You're not going to believe this, but now they want You to make the sun stand still so they can have a battle.'

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'

'I don't know why other people pray in school, but I pray in school because I'm not supposed to.'

'Noah, I changed my mind. Build an ark instead.'

"Well Korah, maybe a golden chicken wasn't the right choice for a graven image."

'I can't let your people go, but I'll see about getting them driver's licenses.'

"When You say two of each kind of animal, do you mean like different colors or what?"

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

"Prebish, we usually limit our Comparative Religions course to the more reputable religions."

"Better get out a press release this has nothing to do with Catholicism."

"Dude....I just came back from the dead! I need a coffee, not a bloody chocolate egg!"

"As if being expelled from the garden of Eden wasn't enough, that apple had a worm in it!"

Jesus wept

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"I'll need a fig leaf wax? Forget it!"

"Moving on to number nine, 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife'. . . Let's not kid ourselves, Manny, we all know who he was calling-out when he slipped this one in."