Religious Studies Teacher Gifts

"You. You. And you."

"Which Is Better - To Eat From The Tree Of Knowledge And Get Kicked Out Or To Stick Around Here With Nothing To Talk About?"

Noah's Nark.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'It didn't work -- the Egyptians ate the frogs and locusts!'

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

'Are you sure? - I only remember creating TWO of them.'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Are those tablets PC-compatible?'

"Maybe things would have turned out better if I'd put in a whole week."

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

'It's hard to believe that they started out with just SEVEN deadly sins.'

'They're saying the manna DOESN'T taste like chicken.'

Noah jumps the gun...and brings down three commandments.

'The middle east eh! See somebody's wife has been turned into a pillar of salt, the Hittites are at it again, a load of slaves have escaped fro Egypt by parting the sea, and some lot have destroyed the walls of Jericho with trumpets, when will ever end?'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

Land of Milk and Honey - Formerly Known as Land of Cream and Sugar.

'You're not going to believe this, but now they want You to make the sun stand still so they can have a battle.'

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Holey Holy Bible.

Modern Temptation

'I don't know why other people pray in school, but I pray in school because I'm not supposed to.'

"Moving on to number nine, 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife'. . . Let's not kid ourselves, Manny, we all know who he was calling-out when he slipped this one in."

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

"Better get out a press release this has nothing to do with Catholicism."

"Prebish, we usually limit our Comparative Religions course to the more reputable religions."

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

"The hyenas started it."

"When You say two of each kind of animal, do you mean like different colors or what?"

'I can't let your people go, but I'll see about getting them driver's licenses.'

"Well Korah, maybe a golden chicken wasn't the right choice for a graven image."

'Noah, I changed my mind. Build an ark instead.'

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'