Religious Studies Professor Gifts

'To be honest, it's a bit hard to swallow.'

The only Universal Truths that all religions agree upon.

"It's called monotheism, but it looks like downsizing to me."

"That's not what I said."

'Oh... I always thought it was just an allegory...'

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

Confessions may be recorded for evaluation and training purposes.

'Every Lent it's the same-I've nothing to give up!'

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

"Wait for it."

'Just try to collect.'

'Moses in the Gents.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'The Red Sea partings, today 8:34am and 4:26pm'

'That's God, come to drive them out of the garden of Eden.'

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

"You need to learn how to handle conflicting views the Christian way."

"But what if one day they lose that savvy and revert to a literal reading?"

The Bible, signed copy.

'Does it say anything about secular humanism'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Sorry, wrong John we are looking for a Baptist not a Methodist.'

'Joesph Smith discovers Mormonism'

'Those aren't very INCLUSIVE!'

"So it's a case of he said, she said, it said."

Don't Walk on the Water

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"Huh, Pharaoh let them go after the tenth plague. And here I was all set to send a coronavirus! Guess I'll just have to save it for later."

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Okay, now we can cross."

Religion and Politics