Religious Scholar Gifts

"Mind if I tweak it?"

'What would you say if I told you there's a way to fit all of that on just one tablet?'

"What's the takeaway on all this?"

A surprise in heaven

'Hey! - Are you eating again ALREADY?'

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Whoa! - Adam and Eve are WAY out of compliance!'

'Rabbi, I promise, all I ordered was an apple!'

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

So that's the first 10. who's up for the next 603?

"Great news! It's a light touch regulatory framework."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Vatican Car Park - Staff Parking Only

"This just in: 'God backs off commandments. Claims Moses took comments out of context.'"

"I hope this isn't meant to be a criticism of our current life style."

Moses led the Israelites, a stiff-necked people, out of Egypt after their Cairo-practic exams.

'Of course we cross Martin Luther off our Christmas card list!'

'Almost there.'

"Well, actually, they are written in stone."

'Let me get this straight... God wants me to let him save me from what he will do to me if I don't let him save me?'

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

'As you suspected, Your Grace, these heretics refuse to embrace the principles of equality and diversity.'

'Original spin'

'Could you dumb it down a little?'

'Are you sure you don't want to add something about not sustaining hatred through distorted reasoning? That would be helpful to millions and millions of people.'

'OK that's ten pieces of silver each, except for Judas...you had the Greek salad and the cheese platter, so you owe thirty pieces of silver.'

"Now that you mention it, the Roman numerals do seem a little ominous."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."

"I've got 2 million 'likes', what about you?"

Pope Pius sainthood.

Push button for sea to part.

"Today on the Godcast, what if I told you 'commandments' were more like 'suggestments?'"