Religious Scholars Gifts

'Don't fret about that Kingdom of Heaven stuff - you would obviously liquidise the camel first.'

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

"Well, it was original."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

Catholic Priest's Tally.

'These are our 'problems emeritus'.'

'No other gods before him? - What about multiculturalism?'

'It's on the Religion Channel.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Yes, all at once!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.