Religion Scholar Gifts

"The feeding of the fad thousand"

'Sheesh! - and we thought the PHARAOH was a control freak!'

"Go away. We're still Jewish."

Pontius pilates

"Well, we needed the rain."

Virgin MaryExtra Virgin Mary.

'Since when?'

Let your people go? - and mess up my whole affirmative action program?

'We were sort of hoping that the Promised Land would be somewhere OUTSIDE the Middle East.'

"Congratulations! It's a messiah!"

'The apple? I ate the snake.'

'Don't forget, the last time we did this it turned out to be some real estate promotion.'

"Can't you just put 'em on a CD-ROM?"

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

'We were hoping for something less, you know, politically correct.'

'But everybody does that stuff!'

'OK If I have some zerox copies made?'

'King Solomon's gone too far this time! -- he wants to put goys in the military!'

'Actually, we were hoping for a less high-maintenance God,'

'Now they're not set in stone...'

"Moses, I like less government!"

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

Moses did not always appreciate the young Hebrew's slang.

"No, I don't think they use batteries."

". . . and these will also be posted on my Facebook page."

"So if I understand correctly, it's a ten-step program with cloud support."

"Lucifer, if you want your own bedroom you're going to have to move into the basement."

'A download would have been easier.'

The birth of the tabloid: Gospel according to Luke...Gospel according to Matthew.

'He's sending us to a culturally diverse place called 'Palestine.''

Expulsion with Goody Bags

''Creationism'? †Those little twerps are always trying to shift the blame!'

'God cocks it up'

'Boy, you're not leaving anything to chance!'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'