Religious Academic Gifts

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'