Religion Teacher Gifts

'Fish and bread? That's it? Seriously?'

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

'They like the manna, but they're afraid you're fattening them up for something.'

'There are Jews, and then there are the JEWS who-turn-the- other-cheek.'

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

Jesus breaks the bread.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"The hyenas started it."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'