Spiritual Speaker Gifts

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

Guru.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Make me one with everything!"

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

All we have in life is this moment...

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

I swear, you don't hear a word I don't say.

"'I think, therefore I am'? - How illusory can you GET?"

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

"You've reached the consciousness-raising call center. For the meaning of life, press 1. For the secret to happiness, press 2. For the joke of the day, press 3."

Om and Ommer

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'