Spiritual Conversationist Gifts

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

"I've been feeling more transparent."

We just assumed everyone knew they couldn't take it with them.

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"You CAN be an effective haunter - we just need to unlock your potential!"

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Ouija board speaks recorded options

"At random IS the plan..."

'Everything's heavenly! How about you?'

'And now he's a reactionary, and conformist.'

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

“I think you’ve had enough.”

Social Networking in Heaven.

"Well, Carmen, I must go now... Some of us are working on St. Peter's new gate. It's a lot bigger these days...with more people coming through... You know...because everyone's putting in good words...for everyone still down here..."

'Yes that's right I ordered 2 doubles. Why, did you want a drink too?'

"What's a polite but firm way of letting them know I don't like modern architecture?"

'They are fun to watch, but wouldn't a bowl of goldfish have been just as good?'

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

'Nine out of ten doctors think excessive drinking is bad for your health.'