Religious Conversationalist Gifts

"I hope I never insult your beliefs by accident."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I don't see HIS name on it."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

'Get an afterlife!'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

10 Commandments Exceptions.

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Worst. God. Ever.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

A lesson in wit

Does Christianity have the monopoly on morality?

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'