Religious Conversationalist Pillows

"I hope I never insult your beliefs by accident."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'Get an afterlife!'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I don't see HIS name on it."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

10 Commandments Exceptions.

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Does Christianity have the monopoly on morality?

A lesson in wit

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'