Divine Conversationalist Gifts

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

"At random IS the plan..."

Listen, I know you're omniscient - You don't need to say "spoiler alert" every time you tell me something.

Social Networking in Heaven.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

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"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

Is this Seat Taken?

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"