Divine Communicators Gifts

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"Miraculously my provider can handle the zillions who beseech me every second of the day."

"My post only got one like, but it is from God."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Local News in Heaven

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

Is this Seat Taken?

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"I've been feeling more transparent."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"