Divine Broadcaster Gifts

Local News in Heaven

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Beware of God"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

The Ordered List

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'Telling me He works in mysterious ways!'