Divine Messenger Gifts

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Local News in Heaven

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

Is this Seat Taken?

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

The Pope's bags getting carried by an angel.

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

God's Fly Swat...

Saint Patrick sending snakes out of Ireland.